Amist the storm...

Sorry...I don't have pictures this time...it's all writing (journaling)...
These past eight months or so have been some of the most challenging to me personally. Sometimes I wonder if these trials aren't just for me. Scott seems to be handling them better than me (which irritates me...I'm competitive!). But, at the same time, I am grateful because I truly can see the Lords hand in all of this...even though sometimes while in the mist, it's hard to see it, I know the Lord is there.
I was thinking this past week of the last eight months of Scott leaving Sunwest and that whole thing, Scott going back to school and not working for 7 months, how Scott chose Mortuary Science (of all things) and how it has all fallen into place for him, losing our house (someone is doing a short sale for $150,000...half of what we paid to build it! The lot was $120,000 when we bought it!), facing the fact of maybe having to file bankruptcy...some serious financial strains, yet amid it all, there has been constant peace and serious miracles along the way. I don't think I have ever had to use faith like I have this time around. This time around, there is literally nothing I can do. It is all about communicating with my Heavenly Father and staying close to Him so that I can feel Him near and know what would be best for us. I still go here and there, doing my best, but most of the time, my feelings are of "just have patience", something I definitely need to learn!
The scripture in Helaman 5:12 has truly felt like I have been living it and so grateful for the Gospel because there were days that I felt like I couldn't/can't get up and do this another day. But then I remember the days I truly felt the Lord's help and it would give me the strength to do another day. Don't get me wrong...I don't have it figured out or am doing great...I just have been in the midst of the storm and have felt the calm reassurance that everything is going to work out.
So, the reasons my thoughts have gone this way this week is because Scott and I finally had the big talk about finances we have both been dreading...knowing that we have no money, the job pays nothing and I don't know what to do about working because right now I would have to sacrifice my children for money and I can't do that. So, we felt that we should weigh all of our options and then take it to the Lord...really, that's all we could do because we seriously cannot do this without Him. Anyway, we felt that it was time to sell the van and buy something that would save us money in gas and would also allow us to have cash in our account. We had tried to sell it in St. George, thinking that we would have an easy opportunity to sell it there. Scott got lots of calls, but nothing. Then as we were packing up the moving truck, we realized that we needed to pack up the van as well. We packed it FULL! The Lord knew that we needed the van and a minivan wouldn't have done the job. I was very grateful that He helped us realize this. So, Scott put the van on Craigslist this week and it sold the next night (we even had the check engine light come on that day and when I decided we had better have it checked, it turned out to be a loose gas cap...little blessings!). We still have it for the time being, because we had to send a request to Utah for a duplicate title, but know everything is fine. We are sad to see the van go. It's been a great car, but are so grateful that we are able to sell it so that we could pay for our needs...a small sacrifice for a big blessing.
Then the next day, Scott was trying to figure out his July and Fall school schedule and found out that his Biology class that he took at Dixie State didn't count and that he has to take this other Biology class, but they don't offer it in the Fall, like he thought. So, he digs a little more and found that there was ONE spot left in this class (which he took) and it is at the only time of the day that he could afford to go. It will be a sacrifice for us because he will have to be gone Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights until 10:00 pm and the Thursdays he will be gone until 7:00 pm. But, another small sacrifice for a big blessing. It has been like this the whole time during the past eight months. Yes we have had to make sacrifices, but when we are willing to do the hard thing of sacrifice, then we are able to have and most importantly, see the blessings. It's been incredible.
The boys continue to do well. Ashton had his first campout this weekend. They hiked in about 2 miles and Ashton came home sore! But, he has already found more friends than we could ever wish for him! Calvin was getting ready to go to Young Men's on Wednesday and there was someone that was going to pick him up on his way to someone's house to do kiyaking at their pool. They were late and so I was encouraging him to call someone in his group to see where it was. He had determined not to go. So, I silently said a prayer to please let someone come and get him and about 5 minutes later, someone showed up and got him. Alec went and did baptisms at the temple with about 6 other youth (boys and girls) and then they went and played games and swam and ate. Something Alec NEVER did when we lived in St. George. I was shocked when he wasn't home until 10, but grateful that he was out and having fun. We have felt so blessed that the Lord chose to put us here for the boys. We could have gone anywhere, but I feel so much love from the Lord that he would put us here.
This storm is not over...but I KNOW that we will be okay and that we will make it through. I don't know how, but really it doesn't matter. I just need to make sure I am keeping myself in tune with my Heavenly Father so that when He gives me His "Fatherly advice" I can accept and trust that it will be the best path for us. It has been so far.
Hope you all are having a great Father's day. I am grateful for Scott and he seriously is a great father. I am grateful for my father, as well. He has helped shape me into the person I am. I am grateful for my father-in-law as well. He has helped shape Scott into the father he is. And, as said before, I am grateful for my Heavenly Father, for shaping and refining me into this person I am becoming (as amazingly stated in Elder Christofferson's conference talk this past April).