And the rains came down and the floods came up...

This week has been a doozy for me, personally. Probably for my family, too, because they have had to endure my rollercoaster of emotions. Oh, well...it's good for them :).

So, on Monday, I was innocently trying to find a box to send some stuff to Derrek and came across three "M" rated video games that are not allowed in our house...and found out later that Alec and Calvin had bought them. Alec just turned 17 and has decided to use that freedom of age and buy these games that he "doesn't see anything wrong with them" and bring them into our home even though he knows how we feel about them. Then I found out that they played them with Dallen and Ashton. This was their argument that it created brotherly bond (or fear in Dallen and Ashton if they told on them!). It's been interesting because for the past two weeks or so, Scott and I have almost been at our wits-end with Calvin and Alec. They had become more disrespectful, fought more with each other and their brothers, carried this aire of arrogance and entitlement that I could not for the life of me figure out where this was coming from. Scott and I have had many talks over the past couple weeks trying to come up with a plan on what to do about them acting this way because it was changing our house in a way I had worked SO hard to create the opposite. Since finding these games and taking them away and having a candid talk with Alec and Calvin (I didn't confront them at first about the games. I just put a note where I found the games and told them how sad I was and how I cannot go back and allow those games and that I would like to talk about it with them...they texted me the next day at school and said they wanted to talk...I listened/cried and that's all I could do. They understood and later Calvin came to me and appologized. Alec, in his own way realized those games aren't worth the fight.), our home has become the place that it had been before. Calvin and Alec are more helpful and kind to Scott and me and also to Dallen and Ashton. No one can tell me that these games don't make a difference. They do, especially when they have to sneak them...I think it creates a worse atmosphere.

The next day, there was a high and a low. Jennie and Wes had their baby...little ADA RUTH (the high!). She is so chunky and cute. They were so sweet with her, and as first time parents are...can only put a smile on your face. It was very tender. After leaving the hospital that night, I found out that I didn't get my job after all (the low). I was devistated and frustrated because we desperately need the money and I couldn't understand why the Lord wouldn't allow this righteous desire. It's been a weird journey trying to find a job. Anyway, basically he went to fire the girl I was replacing, but instead decided to give her another chance. He said that if it still didn't work out, that I would be the first one he called, even though I would probably have a job already. I told him that I am getting ready to go on a cruise and that I wouldn't start searching until after then (I need a break!). So, who knows... Scott thinks that the girl will mess up between now and then and after we get back from Mexico, it will be the job I get. I just don't know anymore. I want to be hopeful because it really would be perfect (and since he can't fire this girl, I would be set for life with a job!), but I am exhausted on this rollercoaster. So, I bawled all day Wednesday (my poor family). I was just done with everything. I was tired of struggling financially, tired of trying to get my kids to want to do what is right because that seemed to not be working, and just tired of life. I was down in a hole and not wanting to get back up. That night I wasn't having good thoughts and so I put myself to bed by 7:30 pm. I knew that is just what I needed. Then I woke up the next day. I had decided that I can't go on like this...even though it is where I wanted to stay and the only way I know how to get rid of those feelings is to go serve someone else. Thank goodness Heidi needed some help. She graceously allowed me to come to her house and help her clean it while she did other things that she needed to get done. It was so refreshing and helped bring me out of the darkness I was feeling. The next day I was trying to figure out what I would do. I have to keep myself busy with something or I literally go crazy. It is really hard moving to a new place because in St. George, when things went wrong, I knew enough people and relatives that I could go and do things for them and get it all out of me. Here, I don't have that as readily.

So, Friday I was praying that the Lord would help me fill my day so that I wouldn't go back into my depression. I mentally still wanted to go there and felt like I was fighting with all my might. Then I got a phone call from a dear new friend here in Mesa. I am in love with this person. I cannot say enough good about her. It was, for me, an instant connection when we met the first week we were here. Anyway, her name is Anna Davies and has been fighting cancer for 10 years! Thoughts of her, actually helped bring me up out of my darkness on Thursday because I kept asking myself, "why does she keep fighting so hard, when I just want to give up?". She just started Chemo Thursday morning. It is the highest dose that they can give a person and most agressive also. I know this is one of the hardest things she is going to have to go through. Anyway, she called me and asked if I would come help her do laundry and iron clothes so that her husband could have a little break from all he's had to take on because she can't do anything right now. I felt so blessed and priveledged and told her that she was truly an answer to my prayers that morning. I am not sure she believed me, but that's ok...I know :). I love being around her so much that I ended up staying and chatting for 5 hours! It filled my day and made my day.

Yesterday, I started to go back into my doom and gloom (my poor family). I just can't see how this is going to work and that frustrates me. It's not a lack of faith. I have that...it's just what is my part in all this? What am I not seeing?!? So, I did good most of the day, and then right before Women's broadcast, I got in a fight with Scott. He couldn't answer my questions and I was mad. Then I went to Relief Society Broadcast, and President Uchtdorf's talk was, I feel, just for me (and then I realized that there must be others struggling just like me). Anyway, it was really good and talked about 5 things that we should not forget. So, that is my new goal...to absorb what he talked about. Here's a little bit of it: http://lds.org/pages/general-rs-meeting-2011?lang=eng. I am hoping this week is better. Tomorrow is my birthday, and so, that will be a given for a good day :). I just have to keep trusting that God knows me and all that are required for me and my family. It's just hard some days, especially when you were just sure that this was the answer to solve some of the problems. Oh well...life does go on.

Yay!

First of all, it was Derrek's 18th birthday. I cannot believe I have an 18-year-old! He said he had a good birthday. His friend, Kaley planned a whole day for him. Then he was also able to get his bike all fixed up and also buy a crash symbol for his drum set. He's a happy camper :). He was even nice enough to go shopping for his dad and brother on his birthday. Of course, he went to the Asian store to buy knives and throwing stars because he was 18 and he could. It was a hi-light for him.

Next, I got a job!!! Aunt Dar, you were right...the right job came to me :). I'll be working for a General Contractor, doing exactly what I was doing in St. George for my family's business. He will let me make my own hours, as long as the work gets done and so I have a lot more freedom so that I can do what I think is most important, that of being there for my kids. It's right down the road, literally up the street from where Scott works and anyway, it will be exactly what we need. I am just so grateful. He still has to fire the other girl working for him, so I won't be starting until he does that. He reminds me of my dad, who has a hard time firing anyone. But, it's gotten to the point with him, that he can't give her responsibilities because it isn't good for his business...hence, me coming in :).

Everything else is pretty much the same. Alec posted on Facebook that Arizona is getting a lot better, even though he still misses his St. George friends. Dallen got invited to his first birthday party here, and went paint-balling. He was in heaven. The kid is a nice kid and his mom is too. It's been good and we are starting to meet more people and starting to branch more into the community. It just takes time and convincing ourselves that we want to do this!

A round of birthdays...

Even though it has been over a week since we had the first round of birthdays, it's never too late to post about them :). But, before I do that, I have to share a fun Family Home Evening we did...

BUBBLES! I don't know what it is, but I have this huge facination with bubbles and they really make me happy. I don't know why, but they do. So, we were all just feeling blah from the events of starting school and worries of normal life and I saw a picture in Family Fun Magazine of a girl playing with the big wand bubbles and decided that is what I needed...so that is what we did. We invited the Blackhurst family. Thelissa (the mom), I knew my Freshman year at BYU because she was roommates with my cousin Kim and they pretty much saved me my Freshman year. They let me tag along and I was so grateful. And, here we are again, in the same ward. Then Dennis (the dad) has a sister that works with Scott at the funeral home and so we have a connection there, too. Anyway, they had invited us over the first week we were here and since then we have tried to find ways to do things together, so I invited them to do bubbles with us (they have five kids...three boys and two girls...their oldest is the same age as Ashton and their next son is just a year younger than Dallen). Even though it was a "heat advisory" day, the wind was just right and made it a really fun time...here is a video from that...

Later that week was Scott and Alec's birthdays. Alec turned 17 and Scott the big 40! Scott usually tries to hide behind Alec's birthday and never lets anyone do anything for him on that day, but a couple of the gals that he works with at work wouldn't let it slip by. So, they "friended" me on Facebook and we kept in touch as to when and what to do for the party. He had no idea. They made him a "coffin" cake, which I found to be very funny and found out that it was their first attempt to make a cake for someone...they did awesome. It is weird to me that others don't do that because it is something that was always done in my family and also raising my kids was to make their birthday cake...now they just want pies! Anyway, Scott had no idea and they sent him on an errand and then told him to come back for a "first call" to get the information and as he walked in, he saw me first and was really surprised. They had pizza and cake for him and it was a really good time...then a real "first call" came in and it was back to work! Alec just wanted the keys to the car and his birthday money and Calvin to go with him on the town. So, that is what he did, but I had to get pictures of them blowing out the candles...except I forgot to buy the candles! So, Alec did toothpicks and lit those! We had a fun treat because it is tradition to get pies from Croshaw pies in St. George for their birthdays...well, it just happens that Croshaws had opened a store right here in Mesa...right by the boys' high school! It's the same!!! So, Alec got to have his "Very Berry" pie and all Scott wanted was strawberry Gelato from the place that we love...so that was his "cake". It was perfect. Then Scott also wanted to go to the temple for his birthday, and so after pie and gelato, Alec and Calvin left to paint the town (this is a picture of them eating at "Tasty Joes" a Chinese restaurant they heard was good and they agreed) and Scott and I went to the temple. Dallen and Ashton were more than happy to stay home! Alec and Calvin actually beat Scott and me home. They need some lessons :). Anyway, it was a fun day.

The next day Scott and I went to Flagstaff for the Bowler Adult Getaway. Everyone had already been up there since Thursday, but we weren't able to go for that long and just went for a visit on Saturday. It was fun seeing Mike and Laura, Jeff, and Kent and Amy (all the rest we get to see more regular).

Not much else has happened this week. Scott took the Priest Quorum (and Calvin) to the Mortuary. The Bishop talked about how it was a spiritual experience for him, which is a big reason Scott wants to do this for this period in time...and yes, they saw bodies (they were covered...but they were there). The boys seemed to handle it pretty good. Now they know where their dad works and what he does (mostly...Scott didn't show them the details).

We had an interesting walk the other day. Scott and I go exercise/walk every morning and we were walking past this tree and all of a sudden we hear a "plop" sound. We had walked past this tree and startled a bird, literally to death! Scott had to put it out of it's misery because it was not doing well. So, then we continued the rest of our walk and on the way home, we cross paths with a baby rattlesnake! It was coiled and trying to warn us, but he had only 1/2 a rattle because he was so small...we decided to end it's life because there were kids getting ready to ride the bus and didn't want any of them to get bit. So...on our walk, we killed a bird and a rattlesnake. It was interesting.

Derrek's 18th birthday is tomorrow (Sept. 5th). He said he was going to be doing some stuff, but I am not exactly sure if all his plans are coming together. I hope he has a great day. I will post next week about it...hopefully I will get some pictures :).